1 00:00:18,279 --> 00:00:28,202 ♪ 2 00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,551 FITZ, NARRATING: The way you live says a lot 3 00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:32,162 about the way you're going to die. 4 00:00:32,162 --> 00:00:34,208 Come on! Give me my fucking soda, you asshole! 5 00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,036 Bottom line is this, kids. 6 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:39,343 [Screaming] 7 00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:42,346 Some people just get what they deserve. 8 00:00:42,346 --> 00:00:46,350 Give me my fucking soda, you stupid asshole machine! 9 00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:48,048 Then there are the schmucks 10 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,614 who never should have existed in the first place. 11 00:00:49,614 --> 00:00:52,008 Richard, thank God I found you. 12 00:00:52,008 --> 00:00:54,010 I have identified your shadowy assassin. 13 00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:55,664 Be gone. 14 00:00:55,664 --> 00:00:59,233 Other people die exactly as you'd expect them to. 15 00:00:59,233 --> 00:01:05,456 ♪ 16 00:01:05,456 --> 00:01:07,197 [Elaine gasping] 17 00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:09,112 Then there's the cockroaches, 18 00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:12,159 the stubborn fucks who just keep on ticking... 19 00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:13,334 [Crash] 20 00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:15,075 No matter what. 21 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:19,340 But the best death of all, 22 00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:21,124 the bonus kill, 23 00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:25,302 the one that comes with a cash fucking reward. 24 00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:27,261 DOCTOR: I'm sorry. 25 00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:29,132 There wasn't a thing we could do for your father. 26 00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:31,308 [Laughing] 27 00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:32,353 Yeah! 28 00:01:35,182 --> 00:01:36,270 Good news. 29 00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:38,446 Your father's going to be fine. 30 00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:40,752 Fuck. 31 00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:46,671 ♪ 32 00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:48,543 ♪ Without you 33 00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:52,895 ♪ I'd find my smile 34 00:01:52,895 --> 00:01:55,419 ♪ Without you 35 00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:58,161 ♪ I'd have won by a mile 36 00:01:58,161 --> 00:02:00,381 ♪ Without you 37 00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:04,124 ♪ Oh, life would be so grand ♪ 38 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,038 ♪ Without you 39 00:02:06,038 --> 00:02:08,215 ♪ I'm half a man 40 00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:12,132 ♪ Without you 41 00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:19,139 ♪ Without you... 42 00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:23,795 ♪ Without you 43 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:34,632 You forgot to put an emergency contact 44 00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,982 on Ken Fitzpatrick's admission form. 45 00:02:36,982 --> 00:02:38,288 Are you family? 46 00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:39,550 And who wants to know? 47 00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:42,205 I'm his daughter, Meghan Fitzpatrick. 48 00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:43,337 Are you're willing to act as liaison 49 00:02:43,337 --> 00:02:45,556 with the hospital on his behalf? 50 00:02:45,556 --> 00:02:47,210 Oh, how much does that pay? 51 00:02:47,210 --> 00:02:49,343 It's not a job offer. 52 00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:51,040 Well, it sounds like a lot of work to me. 53 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,563 And you want me to do it for free, 54 00:02:52,563 --> 00:02:54,261 after what this family's put me through? 55 00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:55,784 Forget it. 56 00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:58,178 Let my degenerate brother take responsibility for once. 57 00:02:59,744 --> 00:03:01,137 Yeah, I'd love to help you out, honey, 58 00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:03,487 but I just called a cab. 59 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,228 And if you ever want a ride, 60 00:03:05,228 --> 00:03:07,056 you call Uncle Fitzy. 61 00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:08,971 Ring, a-ding, ding. 62 00:03:08,971 --> 00:03:11,147 Ma'am, I would be more than happy 63 00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:14,368 to be put down as Mr. Fitzpatrick's next of kin. 64 00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:15,499 You're related? 65 00:03:15,499 --> 00:03:18,241 Well, technically, yes, 66 00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:22,027 as I am the living embodiment of Richard's conscience. 67 00:03:22,027 --> 00:03:24,160 There--Psych Ward is on five. 68 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:26,031 Really, Larry? 69 00:03:26,031 --> 00:03:27,990 Does that shit ever fly? 70 00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:29,121 One day it might. 71 00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:30,732 Fuck, it smells like death in here. 72 00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:33,822 Well, it's the proximity of the shadowy figure. 73 00:03:33,822 --> 00:03:36,999 And by my estimation, Richard, she is wearing support hose. 74 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,570 That's right. I found that fortune teller. 75 00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:43,571 And you now what she said? 76 00:03:43,571 --> 00:03:47,139 Closer than you think. 77 00:03:47,139 --> 00:03:48,793 Paging Dr. Ass-tard. 78 00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:51,231 Your mouth is on line one and it wants you to shut the fuck up! 79 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:55,147 Okay, you can see him now. 80 00:03:57,149 --> 00:04:04,418 ♪ 81 00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:07,769 [EKG beeping] 82 00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:12,077 [EKG flat-lining] 83 00:04:12,077 --> 00:04:15,124 Fuck. I'm dead. 84 00:04:15,124 --> 00:04:17,126 WOMAN: No! 85 00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:21,043 Oh, thank Christ.[Woman sobbing] 86 00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:23,088 Hey, keep it down over there! 87 00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:29,269 What is this? 88 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,836 Some kind of back-alley peepshow? 89 00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:34,622 You waited a long time to have your cancerous testicle removed. 90 00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:36,145 Now with your high blood pressure 91 00:04:36,145 --> 00:04:37,189 and today's cardial infraction-- 92 00:04:37,189 --> 00:04:38,669 Will you fucking speak English? 93 00:04:40,062 --> 00:04:41,672 Surgery or bust, sunshine. 94 00:04:41,672 --> 00:04:43,152 Emergency surgery? 95 00:04:43,152 --> 00:04:44,980 Isn't that dangerous for an old man? 96 00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:47,287 Maybe even fatal? 97 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,680 DOCTOR: Yeah, there's always a risk of complications, 98 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,943 but tomorrow, double those odds. 99 00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:53,902 FITZ: Okay. 100 00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:57,253 The money the old man's got socked away, plus the pension, 101 00:04:57,253 --> 00:04:59,342 minus the debt, property value... 102 00:04:59,342 --> 00:05:01,866 Hah. 103 00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:02,998 Your bank account's the only thing 104 00:05:02,998 --> 00:05:04,608 about you that's healthy, old man. 105 00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:06,697 If I die, why should you get a hot nickel? 106 00:05:06,697 --> 00:05:07,698 Because I've been putting up--Yeah, what about me? 107 00:05:07,698 --> 00:05:08,699 What do I get? 108 00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:11,572 Both of you need to get in line. 109 00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:14,705 Technically, we are still married. 110 00:05:14,705 --> 00:05:16,359 Huh? What? 111 00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:19,319 Maybe Mama forgot to file the papers. 112 00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:22,147 And enough of this death talk, baby. 113 00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:23,671 You're not going anywhere. 114 00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:25,368 You're as strong as an ox. 115 00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:27,370 - Especially those balls. - FITZ: Fuck. 116 00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:28,589 Get your fucking hands off his balls, 117 00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:30,068 - you fucking old dragon. - Excuse me, Daddy, 118 00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:31,331 I did everything you said! I want my-- 119 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,549 Excuse me, Daddy, I did everything you said. 120 00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:34,856 All right, everybody! Shut the fuck up! 121 00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:36,336 Tearing up the old will. 122 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,641 Writing a new one. 123 00:05:38,947 --> 00:05:41,036 And if-- When! 124 00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:43,038 If I die-- 125 00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:44,648 Don't worry about me, sir-- 126 00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:48,086 You, especially, will get squat and like it. 127 00:05:48,086 --> 00:05:52,134 If I die, everything goes to the disappointment 128 00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:56,094 who disappointed me the least. 129 00:05:56,094 --> 00:05:58,096 That's right. 130 00:05:58,096 --> 00:06:02,100 Fill in that fucking blank. 131 00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:04,102 [Laughing] 132 00:06:09,064 --> 00:06:10,195 I deserve that inheritance, 133 00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:11,762 not Elaine, not Meghan. 134 00:06:11,762 --> 00:06:14,025 Richard, call me crazy, but it's a fairly minor procedure. 135 00:06:14,025 --> 00:06:15,940 In all likelihood, Ken won't even die. 136 00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,420 Stop being so negative. 137 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,335 You need to concentrate on the real problem at hand here: 138 00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:21,903 - your mother! - Yes, get rid of her. 139 00:06:21,903 --> 00:06:23,121 Wait! Me? 140 00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:24,645 Yes, you. 141 00:06:24,645 --> 00:06:26,342 You're the one who keeps saying she's out to get me. 142 00:06:26,342 --> 00:06:28,039 Keep an eye on her while I get back to work. 143 00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:30,041 Only way I'm going to impress the old man 144 00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:31,565 is to sell some cars. 145 00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:33,828 Richard, we're in a hospital. 146 00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,570 That's right, full of sickos who sure as hell 147 00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:38,006 won't be driving themselves home. 148 00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:40,095 It's the oldest scam in the book, Larry. 149 00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:43,272 Find a geezer, low-ball him with a cash offer, 150 00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:44,447 get him to sign on the dotted line 151 00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:46,449 and ring, a-ding, ding. 152 00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:48,059 Game on, Mom. 153 00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:52,237 WOMAN, OVER PA: Dr. Flores, dial 182, 154 00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:55,240 Oh, excuse me. 155 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,330 I've asked about a private room six times now, okay? 156 00:06:58,330 --> 00:07:01,333 I don't want my father waking up next to some sick immigrant. 157 00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:05,381 No offence. 158 00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:06,904 Poor Daddy. 159 00:07:06,904 --> 00:07:08,863 He must be so scared. 160 00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,734 Scared about losing his money. 161 00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:13,302 He always was a greedy bastard. 162 00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:14,695 Except in the sack. 163 00:07:14,695 --> 00:07:16,174 [Patients coughing] 164 00:07:16,174 --> 00:07:18,263 Hey, if you guys got back together, 165 00:07:18,263 --> 00:07:21,092 then you would just get the money, 166 00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:23,965 like as a wife and a mother, 167 00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:26,184 a mother who cares about her recently divorced daughter's 168 00:07:26,184 --> 00:07:28,056 need for inner-thigh liposuction. 169 00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:30,624 And outer thigh too. 170 00:07:30,624 --> 00:07:33,453 Basically the entire thigh area. 171 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,019 Have I taught you nothing? 172 00:07:35,019 --> 00:07:36,760 Actually, no. 173 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:40,851 Plastic surgery, expensive trips to Hawaii, 174 00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:43,898 meaningless sex, that's what rich boyfriends are for. 175 00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:46,988 Rupee doesn't believe in plastic surgery, 176 00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:48,859 or meaningless sex, 177 00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,731 or being rich. Fuck him! 178 00:07:50,731 --> 00:07:52,428 You see, now you're using your head. 179 00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:54,169 Nothing would make your father happier 180 00:07:54,169 --> 00:07:56,867 than getting rid of that flaming pile of camel shit. 181 00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:59,043 Okay, well, if there's one thing I'm not doing, 182 00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:01,306 it's taking relationship advice from you. 183 00:08:01,306 --> 00:08:03,221 You have horrible taste in men. 184 00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:05,049 I mean, Daddy? Ugh. 185 00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:06,398 Oh, excuse me. 186 00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:08,749 Okay, I have asked-- Excuse me! 187 00:08:10,968 --> 00:08:12,927 WOMAN, OVER PA: Dr. Davis, telephone, please. 188 00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:14,711 Hey, you got the papers? 189 00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:16,452 Yeah. 190 00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:17,932 Not those papers, idiot! 191 00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:20,891 The sales contracts so I can sign some new business. 192 00:08:20,891 --> 00:08:21,892 Yeah, they're in the car. 193 00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:23,285 Well, go fucking get them. 194 00:08:23,285 --> 00:08:24,765 And whatever you do, do not tell Dot where we are. 195 00:08:24,765 --> 00:08:25,940 The last thing I need is another piranha in panties 196 00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:28,769 trying to oust me out of the will. 197 00:08:28,769 --> 00:08:30,248 You owe me for parking. 198 00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:31,946 Oh, hello. 199 00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:35,558 [Sarcastically]: Hello. 200 00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:39,562 Tick, tock! 201 00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,738 I got a sweet minivan with your name all over it! 202 00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,261 Come on! Let's do this! 203 00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:46,961 My final offer. You're raping me on this, you asshole. 204 00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:51,487 All right, went you turn 16, you remember, "Fitzpatrick Motors." 205 00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:53,358 Uh... 206 00:08:53,358 --> 00:08:57,449 Ooh. 207 00:08:58,450 --> 00:09:00,452 Hm, opiates. 208 00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:14,771 [Phone ringing] 209 00:09:14,771 --> 00:09:17,948 Just go. Just go. 210 00:09:20,951 --> 00:09:22,387 LARRY: Richard, we need to talk. 211 00:09:22,387 --> 00:09:24,999 Making an effort to impress Ken is commendable but-- 212 00:09:24,999 --> 00:09:27,349 Just doing what I'm best at, pal. 213 00:09:27,349 --> 00:09:29,960 Well, ha, ha, second best at. 214 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,788 Look, the situation with your mother, 215 00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:32,920 it's worse than I thought. 216 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,835 - Always is. - Elaine is many things. 217 00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:37,664 She's slim, foul-mouth, dynamite in red, 218 00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:39,970 but arrested for petty theft and cheap seduction? 219 00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:42,016 So she's old and losing her touch. 220 00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:44,061 Or she's experiencing emotion for the first time. 221 00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:45,497 And not only is she going to kill you on the Beaver Moon, 222 00:09:45,497 --> 00:09:46,847 she may actually enjoy it. 223 00:09:46,847 --> 00:09:48,326 Will you shut up about that fucking moon already? 224 00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:49,719 You need to make amends with her. 225 00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:51,199 That means not competing for Ken's money. 226 00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:54,942 Competing? I've already won, motherfucker. 227 00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:59,686 Best thing about the burn ward, other than the hickory aroma, 228 00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:01,992 a lot of schmucks looking to unload their rides. 229 00:10:01,992 --> 00:10:03,037 Don't look so smug. 230 00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:04,386 This is my face. 231 00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:05,996 It is. 232 00:10:05,996 --> 00:10:07,737 I'm this close to getting Daddy a private room. 233 00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:08,738 I'm this close to... 234 00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:10,087 [Babbling sarcastically] 235 00:10:10,087 --> 00:10:10,958 - Okay, you know what? - Oh, grow up, the two of you. 236 00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:12,916 Stop it. 237 00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:14,918 Here. 238 00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:16,050 Go get Mommy some ice. 239 00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:19,140 No, I will not! 240 00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:21,098 That was a first. 241 00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:22,447 What? What? 242 00:10:22,447 --> 00:10:24,449 There were some complications. 243 00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:26,669 Testicular mis-assignment. 244 00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:28,018 Huh? 245 00:10:28,018 --> 00:10:30,107 Well, in golfer's terms, we sunk the wrong ball. 246 00:10:30,107 --> 00:10:32,153 Oh, you cross-eyed hack! 247 00:10:32,153 --> 00:10:33,154 Oh, good news. 248 00:10:33,154 --> 00:10:34,155 We managed to reattach it. 249 00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:35,635 The bad news is, 250 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,550 well, we didn't exactly get to the cancer nut. 251 00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:41,684 We rescheduled your dad for 6:00. 252 00:10:41,684 --> 00:10:43,947 Excuse me. I need a drink. 253 00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:48,996 Oh, I need a drink. 254 00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:54,958 [Elaine sighing] 255 00:10:59,397 --> 00:11:00,921 So this is hell? 256 00:11:00,921 --> 00:11:02,662 Hey, you better make a decision, old man, 257 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:03,880 before you go under the knife again. 258 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,534 Who's it going to be? 259 00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:08,232 Ten, five and 10 says I took this will action and then some. 260 00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:10,060 Two puddings. Still working on the room. 261 00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:11,888 I look hot in this skirt. 262 00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:14,238 No other woman on this earth would put up with you. 263 00:11:14,238 --> 00:11:15,718 Cut the crap, lady. 264 00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:17,677 You're here for the cash. 265 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,417 How do you think these two blood-sucking 266 00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:20,767 vultures learned to fly? 267 00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:22,856 Well, you need me, you worthless sack of shit. 268 00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:25,380 I'm on the verge of fucking death. 269 00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:29,427 The only thing I need is a fresh start, a new kid. 270 00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:30,994 You haven't got the nuts. 271 00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:34,476 I stored some junk before the scalpel jockey had her fun. 272 00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:35,695 Oh, no way I'm ruining these tits. 273 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:36,870 They're brand new. 274 00:11:36,870 --> 00:11:38,175 This is real life, Elaine, 275 00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:40,395 not a fucking horror movie. 276 00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:44,791 I called someone else to have the kid, someone who cares. 277 00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:47,619 Phone must not be working. 278 00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:49,230 Oh, you're out of surgery. 279 00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:51,493 Darling, aw. 280 00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:53,538 [Smooching] 281 00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,889 Mm. Oh. 282 00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:57,020 Fuck me. 283 00:11:57,020 --> 00:12:01,633 Baby. [Cooing] 284 00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:05,768 What kind of voodoo mind shit 285 00:12:05,768 --> 00:12:07,074 are you playing there, Dot Foxley? 286 00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:08,945 The voodoo has been a little touch and go lately. 287 00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:12,209 I think Ken actually loves me. 288 00:12:12,209 --> 00:12:13,558 Ironic, huh? 289 00:12:13,558 --> 00:12:15,343 You know how Ken Fitzpatrick spells "love"? 290 00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:17,867 Fake jugs and a G-string full of singles. 291 00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:20,043 Sorry, AA, you don't qualify. 292 00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:22,785 Look who's a grumpy little stepson. 293 00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:25,962 This is all a part of your plan to fuck with me, isn't it? 294 00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:28,312 Ever since you arrived, a lot of people I care about 295 00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:31,315 have turned up dead of missing: Dexter Laine, Sonja. 296 00:12:31,315 --> 00:12:32,664 I don't know what you're talking about. 297 00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:34,797 I'm all about the gift of life. 298 00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:36,799 Here's that turkey baster you asked for. 299 00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:39,019 Oh, fuck, Josh, whose side are you on? 300 00:12:39,019 --> 00:12:40,194 What did I do? 301 00:12:40,194 --> 00:12:41,586 Excuse me. 302 00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:45,852 I have to make a withdrawal from the sperm bank. 303 00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:47,549 Ah, it's you. 304 00:12:47,549 --> 00:12:48,898 I see what you did there with the whole-- 305 00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:50,857 [Slurping] 306 00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,815 WOMAN, OVER PA: Dr. Gomez to Emergency. Dr. Gomez to Emergency. 307 00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:53,990 I'll make it up to you, okay? 308 00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:57,602 I'll get you cars, trucks, motorbikes, 309 00:12:57,602 --> 00:13:01,171 b-boats and just a whole lot of-- 310 00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:02,520 I'll be right with you. 311 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:04,131 [Panting] 312 00:13:04,131 --> 00:13:06,829 LARRY: Look, I know the situation seems insurmountable. 313 00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:08,222 No, the situation is mounting 314 00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:10,790 a rubber kitchen utensil as we speak. 315 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,618 Richard, you're feeling the pang of parental rejection. 316 00:13:13,618 --> 00:13:15,011 And it's perfectly natural when a new child 317 00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:16,796 is introduced to the family. 318 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,623 Listen, Larry, a load of my old man's spunk 319 00:13:18,623 --> 00:13:20,408 isn't a new child, okay? 320 00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:22,366 Spunk is not your problem, mister. 321 00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:23,672 Your problem is much bigger than that, 322 00:13:23,672 --> 00:13:26,153 far more serious, far more evil and foul and-- 323 00:13:26,153 --> 00:13:27,197 [Door opening] Doh! 324 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:32,507 You stay away from Richard, because I know your game, lady. 325 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,858 And I am rolling snake eyes. 326 00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:38,861 That means you lost, idiot. 327 00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:40,471 - Does it? - What do you want? 328 00:13:40,471 --> 00:13:42,865 Another shot before you fuck off with my money? 329 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,693 I bailed you out to get rid of that psycho, 330 00:13:44,693 --> 00:13:47,130 and now I'm stuck with her forever. 331 00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:49,089 It's just like you to blame me for everything. 332 00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:50,568 It's little league all over again. 333 00:13:50,568 --> 00:13:51,743 Little league? 334 00:13:51,743 --> 00:13:53,876 Richard never went to little league, Mom, 335 00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:56,836 because his games conflicted with your poker night, remember? 336 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:57,837 No. 337 00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,229 Bar is closed. 338 00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:00,970 Scram. 339 00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,537 I know how to get rid of the skirt for real. 340 00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:04,495 Just what I need, another missing woman. 341 00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:05,757 I'm thinking more along the lines 342 00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:07,759 of no bun without the baby batter. 343 00:14:07,759 --> 00:14:10,284 Hah! What? So now you take up baking? 344 00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:12,199 Little late for that, Mom. 345 00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:15,332 No, you moron. 346 00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:17,813 We have to get rid of Ken's sperm sample. 347 00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:19,684 He said he stored it right before he went into surgery. 348 00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:22,383 Because there's no way he could get it up for real. 349 00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:24,689 We destroy the sample before Miss Mary Fuck-Off 350 00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:25,690 puts her paws on it. 351 00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:27,910 Bye-bye, new baby. 352 00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:29,564 Bye-bye, Dot. 353 00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,522 No, don't you fall for this, Richard. 354 00:14:31,522 --> 00:14:33,089 It's another one of her mind games. 355 00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:35,004 This is vengeful and spiteful and-- 356 00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:38,834 Haven't you caused enough harm in this family, lady? 357 00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:40,096 Yes, she has. 358 00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:42,925 Now it's time to fuck up the next generation. 359 00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:52,979 ♪ 360 00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:27,491 Oh, that's Fitz's favourite car. 361 00:15:27,491 --> 00:15:28,928 MAN: Is someone there? 362 00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,931 Is that you, God? 363 00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:37,545 Yes, my son. 364 00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:39,155 Is it my time? 365 00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:46,119 Look into the light. 366 00:15:53,343 --> 00:15:55,737 Daddy, please! 367 00:15:55,737 --> 00:16:00,002 I don't want a sister or another brother or a Dot, 368 00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:01,612 meanie office manager who will take what's mine 369 00:16:01,612 --> 00:16:03,266 and piss all over it. 370 00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:04,441 It's not fair! 371 00:16:04,441 --> 00:16:05,573 Fair? 372 00:16:05,573 --> 00:16:06,617 What's fair about you shacking up 373 00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:07,792 with the chinks across the street 374 00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:09,055 and stealing my business? 375 00:16:09,055 --> 00:16:11,796 Is that why you won't put me in your will? 376 00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:13,842 I need someone who's here for me. 377 00:16:13,842 --> 00:16:16,192 See? Magic. 378 00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:17,977 How's my little patient feeling? 379 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,195 Like shit. Oh. 380 00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:20,631 Thanks for asking. 381 00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:23,025 Dot's going to give me something I never had before, 382 00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:25,332 a grateful little douchebag 383 00:16:25,332 --> 00:16:28,161 who thinks the sun shines out of my ass. 384 00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:30,511 Are you still standing here? 385 00:16:30,511 --> 00:16:31,860 Yes, I am. 386 00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:33,644 And you know why? 387 00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:35,646 Because that's what I do. 388 00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:37,518 When we went to Tampa in '86, 389 00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:38,649 and you all forgot me at the gas station, 390 00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:40,216 I stood there! 391 00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:43,263 When I waited at the church for you and Dick and Elaine 392 00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:45,526 to come off you individual benders on my wedding day, 393 00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:46,788 I stood there. 394 00:16:46,788 --> 00:16:48,268 Why? 395 00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:51,619 Because I'm a Fitzpatrick, and I'm loyal to the end! 396 00:16:51,619 --> 00:16:53,838 I'll take it in the ass for Team Fitzpatrick 397 00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:54,970 and I'll take it hard. 398 00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:57,016 I'll take it so fucking hard 399 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,409 without lube and without stretching because-- 400 00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:00,758 [Groaning] 401 00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:04,588 Oh, my heavens, Mom! 402 00:17:04,588 --> 00:17:05,633 [EKG flat-lining] 403 00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:07,635 And I got you your private room! 404 00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:10,855 [Man and woman sobbing] 405 00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:11,943 [Switch clicking] 406 00:17:11,943 --> 00:17:15,208 [EKG stops] 407 00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:18,385 [Coughing] 408 00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:23,259 I lived a long life, but not a good one. 409 00:17:23,259 --> 00:17:28,090 I honestly didn't expect a private audience. 410 00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:32,399 Equal-oppertunity God, dude. 411 00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:33,922 Oh, Lord, 412 00:17:33,922 --> 00:17:38,883 I'm sorry for being a miserable prick all my life. 413 00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:41,712 Ah, you weren't that bad. 414 00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:44,541 I was. 415 00:17:44,541 --> 00:17:46,630 I only cared about my car. 416 00:17:46,630 --> 00:17:50,112 That's why I'm here all alone. 417 00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:53,855 My Sunday school teacher was right. 418 00:17:53,855 --> 00:17:56,510 You can't take it with you. 419 00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:59,904 [Coughing] 420 00:17:59,904 --> 00:18:02,733 Well, actually, you can. 421 00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:06,737 And we have valet. 422 00:18:06,737 --> 00:18:11,090 Park it in the shade, Lord. 423 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,744 [EKG flat-lining] 424 00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:16,443 [Alarm sounding] 425 00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:21,752 [Gasping] 426 00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:26,888 OVER PHONE: Hello, this is Ruptal, the handsome one. 427 00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:30,283 Please leave a message at the tone. 428 00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:33,808 Rupee, I'm sorry. 429 00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:35,201 It's over. 430 00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:40,119 My Daddy needs me and I need my daddy-- 's money. 431 00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:45,907 Oh, fuck. 432 00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:47,952 MAN: Dr. Rodriguez... 433 00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:53,306 Richard, a spermicidal killing frenzy 434 00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:55,482 with one's mother does not constitute making amends. 435 00:18:55,482 --> 00:18:56,918 I'm not killing anything. 436 00:18:56,918 --> 00:18:59,877 Sperm without an egg is a like a car without wheels. 437 00:18:59,877 --> 00:19:01,705 It's here. Shh, shh, shh. 438 00:19:01,705 --> 00:19:03,229 Her fangs could emerge at any moment. 439 00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:08,059 Back off, ass douche! 440 00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:10,410 I got this. 441 00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:12,542 Oh, fuck! 442 00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:13,543 Subtle. 443 00:19:13,543 --> 00:19:14,849 Ugh! 444 00:19:14,849 --> 00:19:15,806 The pros kick doors in. 445 00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:17,765 Pussies pick logs. 446 00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:19,767 Advice from a master criminal. 447 00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:21,769 Jesus, you're the one who just got caught shoplifting. 448 00:19:21,769 --> 00:19:23,684 - I know what I'm doing. - Do you really? 449 00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:24,859 Yes, I do. Really? 450 00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:29,603 Okay, would you both please stop fighting? 451 00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:33,737 Oh, that's not good. 452 00:19:35,739 --> 00:19:37,741 Richard! 453 00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:43,051 [Baby crying] 454 00:19:43,051 --> 00:19:45,271 Mrs. Curzon? 455 00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:47,055 MAN, OVER PA: Dr. Cohn to Emergency. 456 00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:49,797 Dr. Cohn to Emergency. 457 00:19:53,757 --> 00:19:55,281 What are you doing here? 458 00:19:55,281 --> 00:19:58,849 I received your message, not my cousin. 459 00:19:58,849 --> 00:20:00,373 He didn't hear me break up with him? 460 00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:01,504 I hate that machine. 461 00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,419 You know I accidentally pressed "erase" 462 00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:04,464 while I was singing to the heavens: 463 00:20:04,464 --> 00:20:07,467 "At last the she-beast is dead!" 464 00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:08,772 Thank you. 465 00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:11,819 Hey, I'm not here to console you. 466 00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:21,872 ♪ 467 00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:27,835 Mom! 468 00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:32,883 ELAINE: No names! 469 00:20:32,883 --> 00:20:36,409 How are we supposed to know which ones to flush? 470 00:20:36,409 --> 00:20:38,933 All of them? 471 00:20:38,933 --> 00:20:41,152 No child left behind. 472 00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:46,245 Mama's not taking any chances. 473 00:20:50,814 --> 00:20:52,555 [Glass breaking] 474 00:20:55,036 --> 00:20:56,864 [Grunting] 475 00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:00,389 Shit. 476 00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:06,308 Liquid nitrogen. 477 00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:07,918 Oh, free huff. 478 00:21:07,918 --> 00:21:10,356 Or the sperm bank just turned into a gas chamber. 479 00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:11,792 Are you kidding me? 480 00:21:11,792 --> 00:21:14,447 No. 481 00:21:16,710 --> 00:21:20,409 [Knocking] 482 00:21:20,409 --> 00:21:22,498 ELAINE: Hello? 483 00:21:22,498 --> 00:21:23,804 Hello? 484 00:21:23,804 --> 00:21:25,327 Fuck! 485 00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:27,460 Where is that stretched out homo when you need him? 486 00:21:28,896 --> 00:21:31,202 Maybe Larry was right about you after all. 487 00:21:31,202 --> 00:21:33,640 What are you talking about? 488 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,859 You tricked me into helping you, 489 00:21:35,859 --> 00:21:37,774 and now you're trying to gas me. 490 00:21:37,774 --> 00:21:40,821 You were the one that wanted me to get rid of Dot. 491 00:21:40,821 --> 00:21:44,128 Yeah, but I didn't ask you to stick around. 492 00:21:44,128 --> 00:21:45,782 [Coughing] 493 00:21:47,654 --> 00:21:52,311 Well, maybe I still love the bastard. 494 00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,748 Who the fuck else has the balls to deal with me. 495 00:21:54,748 --> 00:21:57,794 Oh come on, Mom. We got about five minutes left. 496 00:21:57,794 --> 00:22:01,232 How about you take the truth out for a test drive for once? 497 00:22:01,232 --> 00:22:05,324 All right, you want the truth? 498 00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:06,934 Yeah. 499 00:22:06,934 --> 00:22:09,980 I got arrested on purpose, 500 00:22:09,980 --> 00:22:13,244 because I knew you'd bail me out eventually. 501 00:22:15,159 --> 00:22:17,205 Fuck it, kid. 502 00:22:17,205 --> 00:22:19,338 I'm lonely. 503 00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,339 You happy? 504 00:22:21,862 --> 00:22:23,820 You happy now? 505 00:22:23,820 --> 00:22:24,952 No. 506 00:22:24,952 --> 00:22:27,389 I know what you're trying to do. 507 00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:29,391 You're trying to lull me into trusting you. 508 00:22:29,391 --> 00:22:30,566 Ritchie? 509 00:22:30,566 --> 00:22:32,916 No, no, I'm not falling for it again, Mom. 510 00:22:32,916 --> 00:22:34,788 Not this time. 511 00:22:34,788 --> 00:22:36,659 You're the one in my nightmare. 512 00:22:36,659 --> 00:22:37,921 You get out of my head. 513 00:22:37,921 --> 00:22:40,446 You leave me alone. 514 00:22:40,446 --> 00:22:41,751 Come on, kid. 515 00:22:41,751 --> 00:22:43,666 I'm the one who's rolling snake eyes lately. 516 00:22:43,666 --> 00:22:44,928 Yeah. 517 00:22:44,928 --> 00:22:49,759 And that means this time you lose. 518 00:22:49,759 --> 00:22:51,892 [Gasping] 519 00:22:51,892 --> 00:23:02,032 ♪ 520 00:23:07,473 --> 00:23:08,952 You're a dude. 521 00:23:08,952 --> 00:23:10,432 [Gun cocking] 522 00:23:10,432 --> 00:23:11,607 [Gunshot] 523 00:23:11,607 --> 00:23:12,826 LARRY: Oh, thank God. 524 00:23:12,826 --> 00:23:15,045 We need to talk before security comes back. 525 00:23:16,917 --> 00:23:18,397 Where is she? 526 00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:21,182 Richard, there's something you need to know about Elaine. 527 00:23:21,182 --> 00:23:22,662 Yeah, she was actually telling the truth for once. 528 00:23:22,662 --> 00:23:24,446 KEN: Shut the fuck up over there. 529 00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:25,665 I'm recuperating. 530 00:23:25,665 --> 00:23:27,928 Richard, please let me finish. Wait, wait. 531 00:23:27,928 --> 00:23:29,408 You can't have a baby with Dot Foxley. 532 00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:30,887 Why the fuck not? 533 00:23:30,887 --> 00:23:33,150 Elaine may be a shrew, but in her own fucked up way, 534 00:23:33,150 --> 00:23:35,457 she cares more about you than Dot Foxley ever will. 535 00:23:35,457 --> 00:23:36,937 - LARRY: Richard. - It wasn't a con this time. 536 00:23:36,937 --> 00:23:38,634 She got herself arrested on purpose 537 00:23:38,634 --> 00:23:40,506 so she could come back to you. 538 00:23:40,506 --> 00:23:42,812 That's fucking family loyalty, old man. 539 00:23:42,812 --> 00:23:43,944 That's a real Fitzpatrick, 540 00:23:43,944 --> 00:23:45,902 something Dot Foxley will never be! 541 00:23:45,902 --> 00:23:47,251 LARRY: Elaine left. 542 00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:51,691 What? 543 00:23:51,691 --> 00:23:53,649 She said you told her to leave, 544 00:23:53,649 --> 00:23:55,390 and then she hijacked Josh 545 00:23:55,390 --> 00:23:58,262 out of a car that he just got for you. 546 00:23:59,350 --> 00:24:00,308 Does it hurt 547 00:24:00,308 --> 00:24:02,266 being a fuck up all the time? 548 00:24:02,266 --> 00:24:04,007 Don't answer that. 549 00:24:04,007 --> 00:24:06,706 Laughing makes my balls hurt-- Ball. 550 00:24:06,706 --> 00:24:11,275 Pretty sure your soldiers hit the beach, hon. 551 00:24:11,275 --> 00:24:14,627 No, no, no, but you destroyed all those samples. 552 00:24:14,627 --> 00:24:17,760 Haven't you heard of the old-fashioned way, asshole? 553 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:19,501 No, no, of course you wouldn't. 554 00:24:19,501 --> 00:24:29,511 ♪ 555 00:24:32,122 --> 00:24:33,950 I'm so sorry, Richard. 556 00:24:33,950 --> 00:24:36,649 Fuck off, Larry. Just fuck off. 557 00:24:36,649 --> 00:24:40,043 LARRY: She waited until she knew you were okay. 558 00:24:43,830 --> 00:24:45,788 MEGHAN: So what did I miss? 559 00:24:45,788 --> 00:24:55,842 ♪ 560 00:24:57,452 --> 00:25:00,586 Start marching, soldiers. 561 00:25:00,586 --> 00:25:02,718 [Ken chuckling softly] 562 00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:23,130 ♪